I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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