Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Randomize
