why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
