I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Randomize
