Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
