You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
