Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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