Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
