Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
