I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
my liver is dry heaving
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
