2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
