I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
