Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
