I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
