it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
