My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
