Are we in a gay sports bar?
True but thats because hes a fetus.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
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3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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