Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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