I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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