somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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