My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
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