I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
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