I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
