Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Someone stole a lamp last night.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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