I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
