Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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