I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
