Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Randomize
