Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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