he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
