Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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