then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
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I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
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You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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