My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
