I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
