oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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