Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
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