You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
