did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
