Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
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