how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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