clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
