if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Randomize
