i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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