She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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