I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
what day is it and did you see me today?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
