This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
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