yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
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Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
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I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
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