i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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