On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
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