I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
