you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
ttyl tear gas
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
