I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
