Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize