Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
