Where did you get a picture of my penis
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
