Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
