my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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