I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
