My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
