i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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