We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
