I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
it was like having sex with a tree stump
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
