For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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