OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize