there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
sarcasm needs its own font
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
