Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
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