I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
