Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
