I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
