Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
