I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
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Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
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I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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